Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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