conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
