so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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