The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
