separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I enjoy the company of your penis
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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