happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize