Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
