Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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