it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
