dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
So much rum. So many feels.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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