I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
