I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
