So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
