Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
