So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
