Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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