I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
