I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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