The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
try to milk me bitch
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