Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
