No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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