Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
