i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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