and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
They took my balls.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
