i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
