End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
