I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
