I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize