There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
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