it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
