i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Randomize
