I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
