Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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