I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
