I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
They are going to name an STD after you.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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