My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
