My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
this is an emotional support booty call
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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