She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
