I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
