Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
