So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
