My nipple is on Facebook.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
we should paint friendship bongs
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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