i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Is Oprah even human
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
