his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
