Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
