my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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