Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
