by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
