with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
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