i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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