what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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