I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize