You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
