In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
