remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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