Pants 0. Shit 1.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
