nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
