she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
