Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Randomize
