Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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