My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
where does the pee come out of this thing
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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