Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
