so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
