doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
