Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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